urgent surprise chef solutions required

back if i did this i'd get in trouble

Tuesday 11th sept 01

`Surprise Chef', currently airing on channel seven is dying like a dog.

Believe me - i know what i'm talking about. Recently our next door neighbour's dog, well on in years, went through a month-long dementia - barking half-heartedly at nothing all night etc. and was only cut short by the vet's needle.

Surprise chef is a formula-based show imported from the UK, which with it's present set up is good for two watches - one to say, `Ha - that's kinda novel', and one to say, `Geez - that's exactly what they did last week'.

I place blame squarely on the producers, who, in their apathy could less if the show lives or dies after the first season. I'm talking about:

The way i see it, Aristos is doing his best -via talking quickly etc - to keep the pace of the show up, but it's obvious to even him that it's the end and pretty soon he'll be returned to the backend of some three star restaurant only to be occasionally stopped by someone saying, `hey, you're that guy ...um.. that guy...'.

Maybe it was Aristos' fault for putting his hand up in the first place. Whether this is true or not, I assume he has no control whatsoever in the creative decision making process and is only a passenger on this train-wreck of a program.

What is to be done?

Add a second chef - someone clumsy, perhaps reluctant and who knows nothing about cooking.

Add some slapstick.

Have a show where they don't find a victim and are relagated to roaming the supermarket. Do up an extra-special potato-salad at the deli, while giving the employees' techniques on chicken barbecuing an overhaul. Then go and hijack the woman's free caserole sample stall, using store can openers, canned goods etc. to make something experimental.

Have a show where the food is not cooked on time, or the surprise's recipient doesn't like it - or doesn't show up or something.

Have a `chug-a-lug' show where Aristos has to take a drink everytime he a) mentions his mother b) mentions Crete c) flicks water on something.

Have a show where he has to cook with one hand tied behind his back

Cut ties with the mega-multinational supermarket chain.

Do a show from prison. Teach the inmates how to spice up prison food.

Do a show from a city railway platform. The chef(s) are armed with a webber bbq and have to scrounge ingredients from the homeward bound commuters

Have Aristos crack on to the housewife while he's cooking or have a husband get home, takes off blind fold, freaks out with jealousy and chases Aristos + camera crew out of house while weilding cricket bat

Currently the producers of this show are giving us nothing but the impression that they are pathetic losers and yes-men who care only for keeping their arses safe and nothing for the glory of entertainment and spontenaeity.
The Surprise chef concept was a good one that sadly went to waste.

yak sox.