This place we are living in has a ridiculously over-sensitive smoke alarm wherewith even the smallest puff of smoke coming from the toaster caused by the toast getting a little too toasty will set it off. Pretty much any dinner using the stove-top also requires that the back and front door also be open, the range-hood exhaust fan be on, (of course) the ceiling fan be on — and then when the smoke alarm does go off the quickest way we have found to get it to shut up is to get the stand-fan lifted right up to it and on maximum speed.
I now automatically feel a lingering sense of dread when I make toast. I have been told I am a wuss from getting so agitated by the noise — but the noise itself is like a physical blow to my head, not to mention it setting of a chain reaction of annoyance — like why did the landlord put such a crappy smoke alarm in here, and how the place is so small, does it really need one anyway? and what the heck is this “modern society” we have that has smoke alarms?
I’m learning more and more that I can ask the internet _anything_ and it’ll have advice. Internet says put a shower cap over it. I don’t have a shower cap so I’m thinking a small plastic bag and rubber band should do. The beauty of this solution is that when the insurance forensics people come around after the place is burnt down (which it almost certainly will after I disable the smoke alarm) it will look like the alarm was functioning as per normal with battery in it because the delicate plastic of the bag will surely leave no evidence. All I’ll have to do then is remember to delete this blog entry.