“they want to make minced meat out of me”

I think the Russians are going to kill me. It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve been outside. Maybe 2 weeks. I was walking down the chung-ang-no, which is a car-free street, just minding my own business when I hear this woman’s voice; “Roo-ski” she says, and eventhough it was crowded and it could’ve been to anyone, I knew it was directed at me. I turned and briefly corrected her – no, I am from australia – I say with words to that affect.
Later I noticed that her and another, older woman were following me. Then I saw the old guy with the whole bottom row of dull, gold teeth. I started to get the heeby-geebies and came straight home.

I can’t swallow food anymore. All I am able to eat is these vitamin enhanced gummi-worms. As you can see they are outrageously expensive, I am running through my funds very quickly. On the whole my condition has not deteriorated too much but my gums are in a bad way and I lost molar tooth yesterday.

I’m not sleeping in what I would call a normal way. Sometimes I will drift down through reverie and (who knows really?) maybe get 10 seconds of delta wave patterns before a muscle spasm will pull me back to awakeness.

I’ve noticed that the number of gunships that pass over each day always tallies to an odd number, and they only appear in those minute-numbers that are divisible by three.

“Jesus h. christ in a chicken basket. I don’t kow where this is going to end.”

quite by accident, on the same day as Helston flora day

brutvorst, various

My life was standing facing backwards on a descending escalator. I’d always known that I was destined for something. Not greatness, but something. And til then I thought that the something was a certain level of admiration bestowed upon me by my peers in my chosen profession. Well… I didn’t so much choose it as fell into it, as much as one can fall into the line of fake food making–or as some of them insist on calling it– imitation food and beverage artistry.

By fell into it, I mean that I’d once been pressured into helping an uncle out who was late with a full showcase for a Bavarian restaurant in… Bavaria. I made the bratwurst. I had no idea what I was doing. Regardless, they turned out well. So now that’s my thing, my niche, saugages. Sure it’s not a big market but it’s stable.

I remember a time when once you used to love me

I’m going to chalk it up to being postmodern and ironic that I would speak poorly of lists of product purcahses one week, then go ahead and do it myself another.

Certainly I would always prefer shopping in person, but there’s nothing here — so a bunch of self-initiated presents arrived for me in the mail this week. I got:

* the album Horse Stories by the Dirty Three, because even though they are terrible people, especially that warren elliss, (ooh, I hate that man) they make some good australian-sounding, australian music.

* the dvd of The Day The Earth Stood Still — we are very curious to know where you come from …. From another planet. Classic.

* Lovecraft – tales — edited by Peter Straub. look here. I think I’ve mentioned here before how I like Lovecraft’s dry style and the whole dark new england feel it evokes. Upon inspection it looks to be a really well put together book too, physically that is.

* It’s not everybody’s cuppa tea, but I got another copy of The Road Less Travelled (there’s one back in storage in N.geelong) — I recently bought a copy in hanguk-oh for my friend as a way of saying ‘here is a book and some concepts I heartily endorse’. She read it, we’re talking about it, and all up it’s been quite productive.

* Similarly, an old friend recommend I read We: understanding the psychology of romantic love. Which I will do when it gets here. I read a little of the ‘He’ book (there’s two others in the series) in geelong and they employ a whole bunch of core myths to illustrate points – so it’s not so kooky after all. Myths like that Fisher King one.

* Will Self My Idea of Fun – because he’s such a perspicacious, dark-minded bastard. Also, the problem with here is while there’s plenty of ‘literature’ whatever the heck that is, of the American variety, there’s bugger all English stuff. Not that I’m america-bashing, it’s just the nature of the recent history of the country.

Have you noticed how little america-bashing I do these days? There was a time when every second post was having a go at it. I was just telling people on the weekend (n.americans) how since I’ve been here there’s a bunch of chips I’ve brushed off my shoulder; americans, the US military, and christianity. The first one the most – all up americans I’ve met are no worse or better than australians. And yes, the US military are still the single largest polluter of the environment, but I can’t really blame the grunts i meet for that. Some folks I meet are really nice, like a woman who is a tank-track mechanic, some are funny looking — with all those pointy haircuts, and young guys with moustaches – like that detective in There’s Something About Mary. Christians still get on my back sometimes too, but on the whole, don’t.

* From ye old Wales bookshop — _finally_ I found in-print copies of Dylan Thomas’ collected letters. So I got that as well as a book collection of his poems.

rule of slack

My favourite song presently is nepalese bliss (here for now, gone in a while). That is the DJ Food remix of the track, original by Irresistible Force. That piano bit really stays in my head – but not in a nonstop noisesome way that some musical things can get. This is more distant and pleasant.

I’ve been a bit fond of the DJ Food conglomerate but this year they’re coming up as one of my definite faves. That is, the people from Cold Cut, a guy called DK and Strictly Kev – and perhaps there’s more too, I don’t know. I already have NinjaTune linked on the home-pagey here and the Solid Steel page is just one link deep from ninja, but I’m tempted to give it a seperate link anyway. What it is, is a weekly 2-3hr broadcast featuring this or that and another DJ and it’s often very good. Cold Cut do the first half this week so click through and dig in.

I mean where else are you going to hear Harry Hall’s Teddy Bears’ Picnic mixed in? It’s edumacational too because now I know that someone called harry hall did that song, and you even get to hear the totally obscure second verse.

The Solid Steel show is rebroadcast by various radio stations around the world (for those who just don’t got the bandwidth) and I suppose it’s saying something good about the state of radio in Australia because there’s two national and two city-based stations that pick it up each week.

horst koch

In other news I just can’t get motivated, so I guess it’s lucky that Spring Break just started. I feel like I should go WOOHOO or something. Wear a toga. I used the three million dollar projector to look through last year’s happy snapz on the big screen. Far be it for me to complain about the priorities of my superiors, but while the gadgets are mildly amusing, the chairs and table in the room are a joke. Ye goot tae huf a gut chair mun!

Party on dudes.

lab rats

Because test scores were so bad last year, they’ve pumped a bunch of money into the dept and now I got me a fully fledged english laboratory; we’ll be doing experiments like making long vowel sounds with tongue fully extended, like, “ngDaaaaaaaa”, “mBaaaaaaa” and so on. Moreover.

I got my own phone line, my own video-projector thing-o built into the ceiling, my own dvweedee player, and big tv, BoomBox, and me is the only one with a desk in the room so I can goof off as much as I like when not <strike>teaching</strike> entertaining.
The drawback is I now have to write lesson plans. The beginning of the first one is going to look like this -> “Pork chops pork chops pork chops pork chops pork chops pork chops chicken livers chicken livers chicken livers chicken livers chicken livers chicken livers chicken livers, steak”. Let me tall ya when you have to do the same thing nine times over, I thank me when I don’t have a lesson plan.
I’m still lobbying to get my own personal assistant. I want them to hire my special friend so I can have a shoulder rub when I’m freaked, or when I’m feeling a bit flat I’d ask her to say ‘squirrel’ or ‘dirty’, or better yet – ‘dirty squirrel’. That always cheers me up.

Yesterday was graduation/ muck up day – they’re only finishing year 9, so it wasn’t too chaotic. Nevertheless, the principal came through and lamented the flour bombing – and commented on the amount of flour that was seized in sting operations before time (I got some to take home and make pancakes with). I tried to tell em that it’s much worse in australia and that at one high school I was at eggs and water bombs and flour etc were hurled at the teachers in their cars as the came to school. And then when *I* was finishing yr12, one of the other guys’ dad owned a plant rental company. We got a bulldozer for the night and flattened a couple of portables. Now that’s high prankology.

time for us to bugout

Once a while back I mentioned Duran Duran’s The Reflex and boggled at how chaotic is was. I blamed the chaps that made up the pop group. After some thinking, like about two months worth, I now believe it the doing of the sound engineers –they were the ones doing much too much cocaine. Yes, I now am now of the opinion that the only real excesses that DD themselves were guilty of is spending too much time at the hair dressers.

Check out Digital Primate. I almost feel like he’s a close personal friend. He’s a monkey wiv a space helmet, holding a micrphone.

Also, it’s really cool to just have stumbled across this: The Evolution Control Committee. These/this is the kind of sound artists that operate beside the legal because people like ACDC are dickheads.

I already knew two of there tracks without knowing who did them – and it is these ones that I suggest you check out first, on the sounds page — Rocked by Rape, and I want a Cookie, from the Plagairhythm Nation 2.0. Star Spangled Balogna is pretty funny too.

du bist seonny buh-rairks-uh!

The blog-O-sphere is getting smaller.

For the last week I’ve been thinking of it as like the universe that had reached its point of maximum stretch and was returning. But this would mean that things would get hotter and faster, which they are not. No, it’s all spreading further and further apart and it’s getting harder to find decent sites to read.

There’s all these complex, facinating and funny humans who are throwing themselves on the end-blog bell curve. The living enactment of the statistics of apathy in action. Some of them write little notes at the end saying they are quitting, like little blog-suicide notes, some lock themselves into damp caves like the livejournal set up. And others degenerate to a point of just drawing pictures of bank statements.

It’s not as if these people don’t go on the net anymore, so why finish — because ‘everybody else’ is? I don’t care. It just makes it clearer that those of us left are much more likely to be the truely exhibitionistic, the neurotic and delusional, and those with a pathologically driven desire to write.

Kind of as a side note, it also occurs to me that it’s rather a shame that there is still no centralisation of melbourne (or victorian) blogs, thanks to the egos of two melbourne personalities.

* * *

As for me, it’s not that I’m writing less, it’s just that time is slowing down. Also I’m readjusting to being a worker. All winter I’d been hankering to do some corporal punishment, and when I finally get back on the job in the classroom I realised I’d left my rod at home. What could I do? The same thing any of us surely would have — I unlatched the battery from the back of the Vaio and got Corporal with that.

But when I put it back in a thing comes up on the screen saying that it’s not sitting in there properly. I maintain it’s wrong, and that it’s some kind of software glitch.

Also, today I got sent home early by the vice-principal for ‘flagrant tie abuse’. He sat me down and (thru interpreter) says that I’ve been wearing them in a most distasteful way for much too long now … blah blah blah — mostly it was to do with me going with the four in hand instead of half windsor, and it always being crooked… and colour/pattern choice. Apparently there was a total of 8 seperate complaints about a flat fire-engine red silk job I sometimes wear. He finished off by saying that all this was especially disappointing because I, and I quote, “came from the land of ties”. I’m still trying to figure that last thing out.

PS. I’m sorry that graphic at the top of the entry looks unfinished. I lost motivation.

snow, answers come in dreams

I had another dream about The Dirty Three last night. This is ponderous because I know almost nothing about them. I don’t know their songs and they don’t have words so it’s not as if I can sing along to them.

I was at some hippy’s place in the country. I seemed to know them. Part of their house was being used for sound recordings. I was sitting with a hippy in another room, listening. Warren Ellis, the violin player (is that right? is that right??? How do I know that?) and the guitar player came in.

There was a big armful of wet grass, y’know – grass, on a cabinet and Ellis saw it and said something like Gimme some of that – and took most of it. There was gum leaves mixed with it, as if it’d just been ripped out of the bush. The hippy was pretty upset but there seemed to be nothing he could do. He pulled was what left of the bundle to his chest and said, I think, ‘I feel like I’ve been raped’. Later on I told him that I seemed to remember that that Ellis guy was a bit of an arsehole.

It snowed well and good last night and this morning and twice already the old lady next door has been out there sweeping the path. She’s 68y.o. Maybe it’s that I’m new to this whole snow thing, but I don’t see the point in sweeping it away from a certain amount of area because there will always be somewhere that’s not swept, and more likely than not, that is where I will have to walk.

yoh su eh, yoh su eh

I went down to Yeosu (여수) for a couple of days. Not a bad little town. They’re trying to get World Expo. As a port town, it’s the kind of place where you can walk around and let everyone thing you’re Russian. I inadvertantly stayed in a sexy motel. It had a good view.

Not much in the way of shopping there. I came across one halfway interesting music store. They had a whole load of bargain basement tapes, stuff like Beck’s Odelay, Ministry and other stuff. I didn’t get any — mostly because they were tapes.
Eventhough it’s been a week since I’ve written I still have little to say. This is really funny.