The attentive will remember that I listen to the RRR Breakfasters in the morning. Last week they said next week’s album of the week would be Skalpel‘s new one and I said to myself I want to win that. Album of the Week is where they give away two copies each morning. Skalpel are from Poland and are on the NinjaTune label — all their artists are good.
And so this morning I did win it because I can do anything I set my mind to.
Then the really nutso stuff started to happen. I notice that a song on it is saying my name – not yak sox but my real life name.
There’s a Melbourne, rockin’ all-girl trio that I’d never heard of before called My Wedding Night, and it’s this new song where they sing about how hot I am and how much of Demon in the sack I am. They spell out the seven letters in a chanty cheerleadery way!
I was spinning out so much that I didn’t think to press record until halfway through. One of the lines is, “That boy he can please us like four kinds of cheeses”.
If that doesn’t rock then nothing does. I kind of feel sorry for all you who do not share my name because I have never come across a better way to reconstitute personal P E P ! levels than dancing around listening to a chorus of people of the opposite sex (or whatever your thing is) sing-spelling out your name.

From my point of view, up until I got to high school my impression was that my name was relatively rare. Not freaky — it’s not like ‘Buggy’ or that. Then in highschool there was two others in my level. I think they’re plumbers now.
Then about six or eight years ago the name started to climb the baby-name charts. It never made top of the pops, but sat on no.2 for a couple of years and may still be in the top ten. When I heard this I realised my calling.

As the eldest, or at least the one with the vision, I would become their leader. This should come to fruition in four years when most of them are ten or twelve and able to fight.
I even wrote a poem about it called 10,000 *******s coming over the hill. It’s ten thousand lines long.
Our destiny is to destroy the anti-******* and over-run his evil empire. He is the most likely heir to the largest remaining family-run media conglomerate.

At this point I will direct you to D/blog’s recent piece on self-indulgence, I’m off to practice my star-jumps.


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