HOWTO: beat shoelaces forever

It’s possible that you yourself have a few roos loose in the top paddock, leading you to a very different understanding of the shoelace and its function. Maybe jor parents were too busy to show you how to tie the fuckers or maybe, like me, joor a little bit knot-dyslexsic.
The rest of the equation is made up of the contents of closets where there’s a pair of shoes that’s got shoelaces that aren’t keeping up thier end of the bargain; they unbind at the most inconvenient of times.

Memorable moments like: doing a runner on a taxi, getting off a tram, lava flows or evading a tsunami that is about to encroach on your favourite concentrated urban environment.

It’s high burr season and burrs are Nature’s Velcro. They come in a variety of sizes, so there will be a burr to suit not only your (in)active lifestyle but also your foot/shoe/shoelace size.

To get burrs, put on your best socks and go walking in a local park or nature reserve. Don’t move too quickly– remember those pesky laces could still get trickster on yo’ ass at any moment.
Once you’ve obtained a healthy quantity of burrs it’s time to start re-arranging your laces. If they’re long send each string bit around the back of the ankle to eat up that excess.

If you’re having trouble following this, get some help from a grown-up.

Place burrs along the flat side of one string bit and place the other string bit against it. If everything’s going to plan those laces should be sticking together nicely. If not don’t panic! :^) Just get more burrs, or bigger burrs!

Now you’re all set for some hassle-free bipedal activity.

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