Channel 7

For the last few months channel seven has irritated me even more than usual, but then I had an epiphany and now I see that channel 7 can be happily set into the box that Douglas Adams labelled, “Mostly Harmless”.

Over the last year on commercial TV there developed something akin to ‘pacific time’ which apparently runs the small islands out there in said ocean, where 1pm means sometime that afternoon.
On TV, 8:30pm now meant somewhere between 8:30 and 8:45pm. Thanks very much reality-tv and other assorted bullshit.

But around the christmas/new year break channel 9 and 10 reset themselves and started to get back to punctuality. Despite their schedule being as dead as a doornail, Channel 7 was still coming in “fashionably late” and so adding more evidence to the argument that they just don’t cut the mustard compared to the other two commercial stations.

Sensationalising the mundane is something every commercial media factory is expected to do, and 7 do too, but not very well. Things are hammed up to the point where I’m laughing instead of going, “Oh, gosh that’s serious!”.

Take the weather – 7 does a little ad for their news weather man where the angle they use is that the weather is unpredictable and devilishly-scary, but with [insert weatherman’s name]’s expert advice, your short-term prospects of living through it are greatly enhanced.

The only thing 7 has got going for it is Roy & H.G. and they really should leave. And the tennis, but that’s for such a short amount of the year.

Whereas watching cricket is like watching two spit-gobbers sliding down a wall (aesthetically and result-wise) watching tennis is like watching tennis. I mean – the process of cricket is infinitely boring, but watch it for a couple of minutes and a demented desire to see how it’ll end takes over. Thankfully I’ve not been taken in such a way this summer.

What I’m liking about the tennis: that box of flowers in the background of shot. Nice, understated colours – the orange and dark yellow, green, very dark red.
– Australian cult-figure and smalltime tennis ledge Wayne Arthurs. Go Wayno go Wayno!

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