One fine morning while wandering around down near the Jordan river jesus came upon a tree. It was christmas holidays so there was no school and jesus, who was 14 at the time, was bored and I mean really bored. He had his tomahawk with him and decided it would be some pretty fuckin’ good fun to chop the tree down. He dragged it back home with the intention of using it to whittle with since whittling was something of a hobby of his. Later on in life this tendency would transmogrify and blow out to a full-time penchant for carpentry–house frames, staircases – that sort of thing.
When jesus entered the living room with the pine tree in tow his whole extended family stared at him slack-jawed and dumb-founded.
“Jesus! That was one of only 7 trees… in the country which this is.”
Jesus looked on at his father but said nothing.
“Oh but wait, you’re jesus– so anything you do is okay.”
Everyone laughed and then they ate pudding.