spouting – more useful everyday!

I have this rodent living in the walls and ceiling – I hear it occasionally. The bajalow itself is rodent-entry proofed but not the bit in between inside and outside. It was scratching around at 7am this morn – I banged on the wall a bit, it quieted and I went back to sleep– and dreamt that I dealt with the problem via legal channels.
I sent the rodent a Cease and Desist letter, but I had to deliver it in person. I caught up with it outside, there was a huge garbage pile where the vegge garden usually is. It was moving slowly around the top. I had this bendy metal rod in one hand that looked a bit like a bit out of my kite. I thought if i can whip it to hit the spot right in front of the rodent, it’ll stop and I’ll give it the letter.
But now, in hindsight it would’ve been more direct to just smack the rodent on the head with the rod.

Before that, at 5am I woke up and brain says to me, you’ve had six hours sleep – you want to get up now and I’ll guide you ’round for the day half-zombied like I usually do?. I said, no my dear brain – you see I have an assignment to write today and I need you at full operating capacity. Whatever, it replies, I’m going to do some thinking for a half-hour beore I can chill enough to sleep again. Whatever, I reply – needing to get the last word in.

We will replace cars with hot-air balloons. People who drive cars to work now will instead travel in hot air balloon. This will be good because it will mean people will need to get up a couple of hours earlier to prep the balloon, and they will see the sunrise more often, which is good for the soul. Hot air balloons are heaps quieter. There will still be traffic jams sometimes – gridlock will be called bubble-lock, road-rage = air-rage. People will climb up the ropes over the ballon and jump into to other people’s baskets and have punch-ons.
People will live downwind of where they work. If there is an odd wind, then the people will work for the day wherever the balloon takes them. If there’s no wind at all, a) don’t go to work or b) catch a centipede.
Busses will be replaced by genetically embiggened centipedes. Not ridiculously big, just so they are about 4 foot high. Saddles will be attached to the centipede – 30 being the maximum and there will be a sticker saying “This centipede licensed to carry 30 passengers”. There will be a centipede driver at the front and the passengers will pay thier dollar to them, then go get on. Once they are on they tap the shoulder of the person in front saying, “I’m on” and that person will tap the shoulder of the person in front of them saying, “they’re on”, until it reaches the driver. Same goes for when someone wants to get off, except they say “next stop please, driver”. This will be good because it will serve as an ice breaker and more strangers will talk to each other.
(Still not sure about commerce – the man in the little white van – solution needed).
Electric trains are fine and will remain. Some other way to make electricity will easily be invented. Diesel trains can easily be switched to run on fish n’ chip vat oil. This is an actual fact. The only other thing that is needed is a bit of vodka in there too to stop the fat from solidifying in the cold. People will need to eat a lot more fish n’ chips to supply the trains. That’s fine by me.

name: Jon
email:
url: www.core.org.au
ip: 144.132.163.213
date: 2003-04-25-15-05
Let me be the first to say DAAAAAMN .. that’s some mighty fine hypothetical – including with a serious dash of humour. Oh and put me down for a serve of fish and chips =).
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name: yak sox
email:
url: www.spouting.net
ip: 203.29.131.3
date: 2003-04-26-08-30
Heh, tah. dang crazy brain.. :^)
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name: crisp
email:
url: http://
ip: 203.213.61.1
date: 2003-04-26-16-26
the centipedes should be genetically modified to talk and have an attitude aswelll so when people catch a centipede the centipede would say things like, “hello there, thank you for choosing me to get to work, the weather looks buggered but who the hell cares” so when we go to work we have something funny to talk to our workmates with and we can swap stories on what the centipede we rode on said to us that day. he eheh I know that’s lame but it made me laugh thinking about it.

that was fantastic yakky, it had all the stuff 🙂
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name: yak sox
email:
url: www.spouting.net
ip: 203.29.131.3
date: 2003-04-26-23-00
Yes they COULD talk, you’re right! And maybe spit sometimes too.
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name: Quanta
email: quanta@dodo.com.au
url: quanta.aspyre.net
ip: 203.220.145.120
date: 2003-04-30-16-40
And tap dance!

But I know how this end, you see all goes fine for 10 years, but one day the centipedes rebel! They have had enough of working for us, and slowly beging there diabolic plan to enslave us all!

So 100 years from all we all work at a shoe factory (‘cept for the reallllly unlikey ones who work at a sock factory) producing the required shoes for our masters!

But I bet you didn’t think o’ that did you Yak!

*mutters and starts to twitch*

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