with hilarious consequences

Junk mail really shouldn’t get proscriptive on ‘yo ass’. But occasionally it does, like this, from The Warehouse, where everyone gets a bargain. It’s backtoschool time – just in time to carry on the momentum from the rabid post-christmas sale frenzy. There’s little-uns out there about to meet the great unknown quantity that is systematised state education.
“Hot Tip 1.
Speak positively to your child about how much he or she is going to enjoy school.
– Don’t communicate your own stress or anxiety. (Mum had a panic-attack outside the front of the school and they had to call the ambulance.)
– Ask the teacher how long you should stay. (Dad sat at the back of the classroom the whole day.)
Hot Tip 3
Reassure your child that he or she is prepared for the big day.
– Have you got your bag? (Help. I don’t know where I am.)
– Have you got your lunch? (Liquified white bread and tomato. (Throw the cheese in the bushes.))
– Have we taken a photo? (”Have we taken a photo? Have we taken a photo? It’s three to 9am. Have we taken a photo?“)
– What news have you got for news time? This just in; a gum nut with a face glued on. More news at eleven.)
– Now where will I be when I come to get you? (45 minutes away from wherever you promised.)
Hot Tip 4
The Night before…
– Buy them a big bag or backpack. Then they can fit everything in it. (Help, I still don’t know where I am. The cat’s here with me.)
– Label everything with colour or fun labels so that they can recognise their own gear. (Give the grade one bullies something to zero in on.)

name: Quanta
email: quanta_87@myway.com
url: aspyre.net/quanta/
date: 2003-01-18-00-18
*writes these down*

Thanks, these will help come the 26th.
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name: crisp
url: www.crispyhead.org
date: 2003-01-18-11-51
he he *evil laughter* poor innocent children, they look at us old people and think, “i will never turn out like them…” but they dont know our mothers too had taken many pictures of us in kindie with our ridiculous name tags that say “Hi, I’m [Insert Name Here]” that would oneday look eerily similar to the one we would wear as an employee of a popular fast food chain years later…they train us young….its my McDonalds World Domination conspiracy.
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name: Jay
url: www.mowabi.com/
date: 2003-01-18-12-29
Help. I don’t know where I am.

These tips were on some junk mail???

You’ve leapt a little too far for me this time.
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name: yak sox
email: yaksox@spouting.net
url: www.spouting.net
date: 2003-01-18-17-10
One of those credit-card style ‘priceless’ things I picked up in the hospitality industry was an imitation brass name badge – it has no corporate logo – so it’s completely re-usable. I could wear it down the street it I wanted.

Jay, slotted in amongst the pictures and prices of things like textas – there really was ‘Hot Tips’ in the junkmail. But the italicised bits above are made up. Welcome to the jammin’ category – which for lack of a better word, is fiction. my ma didn’t have a panic attack. But I at the age of 4.5, without help, did have a crazy first day of school – at the end of the day i got on bus no. 17 instead of 16, and so went to woop-woop and back. Ah… fond memories. ;^P
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name: Jay
url: www.mowabi.com/
date: 2003-01-18-19-41
Oh ic.

You’re good.. i can’t for the life of me remember my first day at school.. must have been uneventful

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