anybody got a sapre brain?

I feel like i need a new one.
A weird day day today. Had social theory lecture – no problem. The chioces after are – catch bus into Geelong, wait for bus home = roughly 5 hours btween lecture finishing and me walkinng in front door on house.
Or – mosey on out over the plains from uni to the road back here to anglesea – and hitch the anglesea road.
I’ve been taking the latter option these last couple of weeks — particularly on tuesday – just cause of the lecture time – i just miss a bus – thus the long wait.
And up until today – have been pretty lucky with scoring lifts quickly but today waited around about 40 mins – and it was a sunny day – and so the sun had my brain on slow-bake

And I get back here, fre\lling a little freaked about all this reading I got mounting up – and i sits down – and just can’t concentrate – couldn’t take anything in.
So I thought – i’ll have a little nap – half hour or 45 mins would do the trick – because i thought it was coz i slept lightly and briefly last night.
I woke up and hour and a half later feeling like i just closed my eyes — infact i think the phone rang and i didn’t even hear it.
Weird – i don’t sleep like that even at night. when i woke i looked at the clock and was dead-sure that it somehow had jumped an hour forward – like i’d knocked it this morning or something.

ah well.

Just who the hell make these decisions of how much learning is standard – for a normal person to do in a semester or year — how come 4 subjects is full time. why not two???
I feel like i’m gonna get to the end of this semester and not really taken in much at all — i”ve got all these resources — and compared to the way that I’d go about things – I’m not really gonna get to appreciate what I’m studying or question it prroperly or look at it objectively….

So who am I writing this for?

It’d be self-indulgent and wrong for me to say just me.
I’ve been there before – there’s no performance or production that’s made completely for the vacuum.

Today I’m thinking it’s for all the people who don’t know me face to face.
This is with the exception of Gene – who I know knows about this – but I don’t know if she checks it. This is where a damn counter would come in handy.
Anyway – she’s an exception – and it’s okay – and I’ll still write about things like chicks – as in the previous post.
But thankfully the name yak sox isn’t known out here in the clark kent life of this humble studyin’-type-guy. And this is a good thing because I feel like I’m gonna start commenting on my fellow students and teachers etc.

Ah geeez, maybe not today though.


Am still humming and harring about the idea of putting the front page into frames – so that I can get a counter on. Got a little way into it the other day – using Quanta+ – and then left the room to have dinner — and came back and the thing had folded up and left without a trace – and I hadn’t save it.
Frames just don’t look good. Think I’m gonna have a go at asking the folks at Pivot-log what’d be the easiest way to get a counter on here.
Of course CGI would seem the easiest – but for some reason I can’t get it to work here.

Damn I’ve got a lot of reading to do. as i write right now – i should be doing it.

Oh man.

Writing is one of the best things you can do. Writing your experiences of the day, etc., is good, because it gets your frustrations, or the things that made you happy out on paper (or in binary ;). This is a well-known therapeutic process known as diary-keeping 🙂
phony – 25.03.02, 21:15

a bunch ‘o follow-ups

It’s like i’ve dichotomised myself again with uni — doing two 1st year subjects and two 2nd year. Second year stuff has gone straght for the meat n’ potatoes – but not overwhelmingly so. The social thoery tute the other day was fun.. Basically there’s no problem if i’ve done the reading for it beforehand. We had the main guy, Struan, who takes the lectures too. I don’t think he is a luddite after all, probably just anti-MS, but not being geeky enough to have found Linux. He’s a nutty (social sciences) professor. i thought it’d be a really outspoken class, being 2nd year, and in that opinionated area, but No – He asked people to volunteer to say a little on each of these aspects of ‘modernity’ (hahah- what a word: mod-dern-itty; as in “dern gumment”) and no one was speaking up. So here’s me, who’s not done first year social science … and who’d done the reading but forgot to bring the damned reader to class, having a go at it — and saying the right thing and mmm getting praise from teacher – HahaH!
Fuck I respond well to praise! That’s what it’s all about – or at least that’s what it feels like – not very ZEN i know, but that’s just me at this stage of life.
I think I’ll get a good opportunity to look at ‘The City’ as a concept in that subject, so it should be interesting.

The other 2nd year subject, ‘The End Of The World As We Know It?’, here on in referred to TEOTWAWKI, or something like that (that’s the politics one) is interesting, and chunky as far as the amount of reading goes, but is way frustrating – ’cause we’re looking at wars and how they start at the moment – but the whole thing keeps dancing around what I think is the central problem = capitalism. Pretty fun to be in a room with a bunch of folks who like to talk politics though. There seems like some interesting kids in that tute. But I just wish I knew a bit more history!
I’m not sure how ready I am to start arguing my wacky theories when so much of it is currently relying on stuff i only half remember or am kinda guessing about.

But from there it’s a fucken huge drop down to the level of Intro to communications – a first year subject. It’s crawling along in comparrison. We’re still covering stuff that I read through in O week. This isn’t helped by the fact that (at this point at least I think) my tute teacher is a bit of a twit. He’s a “liberal christian” and wasn’t backward about telling us so. This might not have been bad – but from where I’m sittin his definition of ‘liberal’ looks wholly mainstram.
The type of lecturer who can’t help side-tracking the whole thing ’cause he likes the sound of his own voice. And thne there’s this point that can be applied to the whole of the university experince, but which is most pronounced in comms studies – and that is: chicks.

Chicks “How The Hell Am I Supposed To Concentrate In The Lecture When There’s A Chick Sitting Next To Me, Sqirming Around With Her Fucking Belly-Button Showing?”
Now, I have a woman, and am very much love her. She is funny and beautiful, and on the whole, many things I am not. We get along Great.
But I am a male human animal, with this biological urge to ‘propagate the species’ and in particular with my personal flavour of genetics. This is involuntary; a monkey on back situation. If the Dalai Lama was here right now my first question would be, “How do I let go of desire?” But in all truth I don’t think there is any way to. I think it’s just part of the whole ‘being human’ deal.
This whole issue I’m talking about is one of the biggest in life for me.
Because i can identfy it when my dick is distracting me, but can’t seem to change it. I’m not talking about anything more than actually looking at these young women… but this is enough to get me annoyed at myself. I thought this kind of thing would’ve diminished as i get toward thhe latter half of my 20s.
Sometimes I try to just accept it and enjoy it as part of being alive on this flesh n’ blood plane of existance, but that doesn’t feel right either.
Most of the time I’m passed the point of unconsciously enjoying it – now it’s just a bloody distraction
But don’t worry, it’s not gonna drive me insane.

So anyway, there’s a high proportion of chicks in comm. studies. I think it’s because it’s a requirement for P.R. and Marketing – two completely ridiculous and useless areas of work if ya ask me.
And I know that these young women are people too – and they have feelings and all of the wonderful complexities of being human.. Some of them will have personalities, attitudes that i’d find agreeable, and some not.
As Show-Pen-How-Wer (don’t quote me on the spelling, he’s German for cryin’ out loud!) would tell me – the only reason why they’re mmed-riff tops and dying their hair blonde is because they’re interested in procreating too. Not neccesarily with me, but someone. AND as mentioned, my box is already ticked.
It just bugs me that this is bugs me.

Psychology is the other first year subject but due to the fact that there’s biology involved, it’s not really a bludge.

Many of my aquaintances think I’m an idiot for leaving the laptop in the car in melbourne on a friday night. They’re probably right.


Am having second thoughts about adding frames to the page – they look pretty boxy. There must be an easier way.

the more things change…

The crapper they get.
Well – that’s what I was thinking last night while watching channel ten’s coverage of the first race of the CART season at fundo park, Monterrey, Mexico.
It’s not all 10’s fault, CART handed the coverage rights over to someone else this year – not ESPN anymore – and I think the new situation is pay tv – so we don’t get their commentary, which, admittedly could be really crap anyway because they didn’t give the job to Paul Page and Parker Johnstone – they guys who were doing it last year.

I just wrote a whingey email to ch. 10. Here, YOU can too –

And my fave driver, Roberto Moreno hasn’t got a gig this year… and some of the other good drivers are gone….
Oh…. WOE IS ME…. It really is true – things just get more and more crapper — it’s physics; pure and simple — the thing is that us humans are so good at adapting to new situations that we just don’t notice. It’s only the truely perceptive who kick up a fuss.

Ah well, it didn’t finish til two – and I had to get yup at 7 this morn to go to a lecture – a bit zombiefied. Maybe i’ll just tape it from here on in and watch it on the wikend.

Aphex Twin: drukqs – music review

As the web site says, this it the first album for Dick D Jame in 5 years.
And yes, there’s two CDs. Maybe I shouldda left it another week or two before writing this – give time for it to fully absorb. But it’s just not as hooky as the earlier stuff.
Now I feel terrible for saying that — being one of those people who’s always saying – yeah – not as good as their early stuff. eg. Regurgitator ‘I like your old stuff better than the new stuff’.

not taht I’m saying it’s not as good as didgereedoo and that kind of thing — just different. Slower, quite a few just piano tracks. Some crazy stuff. I think that havin a kid has had a fairly big affect on Mr.Twin.
Gimme another week.

The Look of things

Have been screwing around trying to get a counter script to work here for a while as you might’ve noticed… and no luck, but come up with a better plan — this pivot – scripting system is hard to alter (for me) but the whole thing can become a frame ….
so I’m thinking …. Frames …. Frames everywhere.
I didn’t even have much hell idea what the hell frames did or are til the other day – was havin’ another cruise through me HTML book — and suuure enough – they’re in there – so will be able to get the counter workin and maybo some other goodies too.
Now it’s just a matter of finding enough time in one seesion where my head is clear and motivated enough to do it. Which isn’t as easy as it sounds – what with all this freakkin uni homework…

Ten days til we give Telstra the big Phlipped finger – yay!

Ah went on down the road…

So the Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds gig was pretty good. I was told it’d be ‘standing room only’ and thought little of this – ’cause at other gigs like that it’s been really squishy. – but there was enough room and the crowd wasn’t the typw that moshes – nor was the music that way.
They did mostly better known songs – there were a few there that I didn’t know, but I suspect they were from the most recent album, of which I’ve heard none.
Me and nick cave I wouldda first heard of him on Three Triple R. I remeber I got ‘The Good Son’ in year 11 or something, and liked it, but lost it somewhere along the way. (Aren’t tapes just like that – How many damn tapes have I lost due to their size??! Heaps.) And It wouldda been ’92 I got the record ‘Kicking against the Pricks’ Mainly drawn by the front cover. He’s gotta be one of the coolest lookin’ guys around. Still is.
Infact in a long unpublished story about a band (that I was writing around that time) I based a character on what I knew of Cave’s look and demanour. I had dubbed tapes of a Birthday Party album for a while – ‘Prayers on Fire’. And The Boys Next Door, ‘Door, Door’ came into my possesion (on record) came to me ’round then too. Had a tape dubbed from friend’s CD of ‘Let Love In’ for a while. Picked up ‘Henry’s Dream’ on 2nd CD, and have the compilation of NC & TBS too, but there’s still some albums I’ve not heard.
Oh, also, have read, and have his book, And the ass saw the angel – a good winter read.

Anyway – was great to actually see him in person – exactly as in pictures – it alsmost still felt like it was a moving picture of tv.
The songs were done very similar to how they’re recorded, except perhaps “red right hand” which was in a different key.
Nick didn’t really say anything between songs, which I kind of expected, but wouldda been nice — I reckon I’d be jabbering on if I had an audience at my disposal.
What can I say? It was really good, but not mind blowing. It didn’t raise the level of my respect for the musicians – or what I think about them – but that level was fairly high to begin with.
It was cool to hear ’em do ‘Papa won’t leave you, Henry’ – that song rocked.

Claire Moore was supporting. It hink she’s dave Grainey’s woman – he was in the band — and I think Claire is the drummer in The Coral Snakes – Grainey’s backing band.

The crowd were almost older than me and Gene – and it seemed – hard to ‘Wow’.

Nick and the Seeds did two encores, but i just don’t get the whole idea of encores. – The band leaves – the crowd is expected to yell and stomp feet like idiots until band comes back.
The Forum – as a venue is pretty cool. I didn’t get squashed, didn’t need to go take a slash halfway through – as is usual with me and such things – like movies– and me feet didn’t get too sore from standing in the one place for so long.
But like i said yesterday – getting back to the car was another matter.

ups and downs

Well, the bad news first. On Friday Night when I was at the Nick Cave concert our car was broken into and my laptop, Li’l Lugger was stolen.
Also, the buggers made off with my electric shaver and a pair of old shoes that were in a backpack. These last two things really would’ve been of no use to any one but me.
Yes a bit of a shock for us to find one of the back triangle windows broken. I dunno what I was thinking leaving it there really.
Thankfully there was nothing crutial on it at the time. I wasn’t using it much since getting the Jug together — it has woodnose95 on it, and some cracked versions of Dreamweaver, Flash – that kind of thing (This was for trial purposes only, True!) I couldn’t be bothered spending the time figuring out how to work them.
The card winmodem was in it, and the connector cable for it, and my psychology test cdrom was in the drive — so that’s gonna have to be replaced. But I didn’t take the ext. floppy drive – so now that’s sitting here, looking very useless by itself.

Anyway, shocked I was, damn shocked — and bloody disappointed at the fact that here was a case of someone (the robber) not respecting another person (me). And then I was disappointed at me for being dumb enough to havee left it there to begin with.
But these feelings lasted for a surprisingly short time. I often think to myself that material things just are material things – and they are fun toys to play with – and I am grateful to have the ones that I do have — but they are little in overall importance in my life.
And here was a situation where i was challenged with if i really believed this – and yes – I do.

Who ever took it would’ve done so to get money for drugs. So – that’s seems like a pretty miserable way to be living. The next night I was still minus a laptop, but i was hangin out at a 13 year old’s birthday party and havin fun and being fed.
I’m grateful to be in my shoes.
The rest – the concert, etc – tomorrow night.

Well I made it

To the end of my first week at uni that is. Only musddle up being getting the wrong room number for one lecture (and being 20 mins late).
Psychology seems pretty good. The tests are really well written – very clear and nice to look at. They know what user-friendliness is all about – then again – I s’pose it was some strain of psychology that invented user-friendliness. Alot of the resuorces are electronic too, makes it easier when it’s all broken into diff. mediums I reckon. sadly – it’s all MS based.
And During the last partition reshuffle here on JuggernautI lost woodnose95 – and it seems that it’s impossible to get it back on without reformatting the whole 40 gigs,
which is a no-go. So it seems I’ll be doing all of my e-learning on the Li’l Lugger. Luck I still have it.

Communications looks like it’ll be interesting, a bit more academic than psychol. but inneresting none the less.
Thos two subjects are 1st year – so the lecturererers have been kinda gentle on us, but the other two – Social Theory and ‘The End Of The World As We Know It’ (or, as I’m refering to it TEOTWAWKI) are 2nd year, so it’s been straight into it. But the TEO…etc. (also known as politics) is right up my alley – the readings are easy to grasp.
Dunno about social theory – the stuff reading for it is pretty freakin heavy academic-wise …. If there was a way I could drop down to 3 subjects and still be classified as full-time – then soc theory would be out the window.

Heard today that DingoBlue – the ISP is goin under. Bit of a shame – I was really pushing for us here to connect to them – they seemed to have a good offer going and I’d heard good things about their service.
As it stands, we are leaving Smelstra Bigpoo at the next anniversary date (the 22nd) and are gonna change to TPG. Their price is okay – and they are unlimited time/data (for dial up this is) but I’ve heard nothing of what they’re like. The only thing I remember reading about them is that the service was originally started by ASIO/Pine Gap — which just can’t be good. Any way – it’s a three
month contract – after that will decide whether or not to stay.

Off to see Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds in concert tomorrow night. I hope it will be good. My track record of seeing music I really like in a live setting hasn’t been fantastic. And I hope I don’t get squashed or nothing.

Feelin a bit beat

[post-edit] – This was written yesterday, but could not be posted due to the dr servers being stuffed

I tells ya – this is big adjustment for me. Going From a working at home enviro — to ridgey-didge full-time university. Getting up before one’s body/head is ready is truly an appalling thing — well at least it is until coffee has been consumed.

Oh Why? Why do I be such a zombie pre-coffee + shower?
Had Psychology lecture this morning. Went okay. Lectures are a new thing for me – we never had them at Tafe.
Then a ‘get to know the campus computers’ session. They’re all using Woodnose 2000pro. Pretty shocking being in that environment though – wall to wall CRTs and they’re going in all directions. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck jitter-buggin’ ….. not to mention (UG) alway the flourescent lights. Don’t think I’ll be spending much time in there if I can help it.